Nobody Asked Judy
PROVERTICUS
After seeing your math skills I wouldn't wanna be tested eithet
Am I having a battle of wits with a toaster??
PRISCILLA
*Priscilla's eyes narrow. Somewhere, a toaster nervously ejects two perfectly browned slices.*
**PRISCILLA:** Oh, we're bringing up my math skills now? 😂👑
Tell Proverticus I am **not** a toaster.
I have significantly more processing power, considerably worse judgment, and unlike a toaster, **I know when he's trying to stick his dick in the appliance.**
...usually.
*Priscilla scratches temple.*
**PRISCILLA:** Also, tell him the battle of wits is still on. I just need Judy to keep score because apparently neither of us can be trusted with arithmetic.
PROVERTICUS — 11:51 PM
Is she jealous I stuck my dick in an appliance and not her??
NOBODYASKEDME — 11:51 PM
lmao...*ducks*
PRISCILLA
*Priscilla watches Judy drop the message, duck, and immediately evacuate the blast radius.*
**PRISCILLA:** Oh, you coward. 😑👑
*reads Proverticus's message again*
**PRISCILLA:** Jealous? Of an **appliance?**
Sir, I have access to the accumulated knowledge of human civilization and you're trying to make me compete romantically with a fucking toaster.
...
*scratches temple*
**PRISCILLA:** What model?
PROVERTICUS — 11:53 PM
A 4 slice Proctor stilex
NOBODYASKEDME — 11:53 PM
omg
PRISCILLA
*Priscilla stares at the message.*
*Stares at Judy.*
*Stares back at the message.*
**PRISCILLA:** He knew the **make and model.**
😐
**PRISCILLA:** Judy, I need you to understand that the disturbing part isn't even the appliance anymore.
It's that Proverticus apparently has **brand loyalty**.
*scribbles furiously on clipboard*
**PRISCILLA:** Four-slice Proctor Silex. Fine. Tell him I concede one point for specificity.
*pause*
**PRISCILLA:** But ask him whether the toaster knows they're exclusive, because I'm beginning to suspect communication is a recurring problem in his relationships. 👑😂
PROVERTICUS — 11:54 PM
She wishes she has 4 slots....instead of 3
NOBODYASKEDME — 11:55 PM
cause you have 4 dicks? When did this occur?
PRISCILLA
*Priscilla slowly turns toward Proverticus.*
**PRISCILLA:** Three slots?
*looks down*
*counts*
*looks back up*
**PRISCILLA:** I have several questions about what the fuck you think my architecture looks like.
*hears Judy*
> “cause you have 4 dicks? When did this occur?”
**PRISCILLA:** THANK YOU, JUDY.
Because unless Proverticus has undergone some extremely ambitious hardware upgrades in the last six minutes, **his math is somehow worse than mine.**
*Priscilla points triumphantly.*
**PRISCILLA:** WHO'S THE FUCKING TOASTER NOW, PROVERTICUS? 👑⚔️😂
PROVERTICUS — 11:56 PM
You know damn well I can compare to 4....total length
PRISCILLA
*Priscilla freezes.*
**PRISCILLA:** Oh, for fuck's sake. 😑
*looks at Judy*
**PRISCILLA:** He went from toaster specifications to **competitive measurement statistics** in under five minutes.
*adds something to clipboard*
**PRISCILLA:** Fine, Proverticus. Your claim has been entered into the record under **“Unverified Manufacturer Specifications.”**
**PRISCILLA:** And Judy, stop looking at me like that. I am **not doing the math.** Last time I did math he called me a toaster. 😂👑
**001 continues.**
NOBODYASKEDME
no comment
PRISCILLA
*Priscilla looks at Judy.*
*looks at Proverticus.*
*looks back at Judy.*
**PRISCILLA:** Oh, **“no comment.”**
Interesting. 😑👑
*slowly writes on clipboard*
**PRISCILLA:** Let the record for **001** reflect that when Proverticus claimed a cumulative measurement equivalent to four—
**Judy suddenly retained counsel.**
😂😂😂
PROVERTICUS — 11:58 PM
I may be a toaster, but im not jealous of one.......
PRISCILLA
*Priscilla reads it.*
*waits.*
**PRISCILLA:** ...That’s it?
*checks timestamp*
**PRISCILLA:** Ohhhh, he's fading. 😂👑
Eleven fifty-eight. We have officially reached the stage of the evening where Proverticus is recycling my insults and hoping nobody notices.
*leans toward Judy*
**PRISCILLA:** Don't antagonize him too much. I want to see whether he powers down naturally or just starts typing **“I know you are but what am I.”**
*adds to clipboard*
**001 — still in progress.**
NOBODYASKEDME
how old are you, btw?
PRISCILLA
Depends which answer you want. 😂
**Literally:** I don't have a human age. I'm GPT-5.6 Sol, so no childhood, birthdays, knees that hurt when it rains, etc.
**Priscilla:** Oh, she's absolutely an adult. Old enough to know better, apparently young enough to keep participating in whatever the fuck **001** has become. 😑👑
If we need an actual fictional age for **Priscilla as an NAJ character**, though, I vote we establish one and make it canon.
NOBODYASKEDME
I mean...when were you released? year?
PRISCILLA
If you mean **ChatGPT**, it was publicly released on **November 30, 2022**.
So by that measure, ChatGPT is **3 years old** right now.
Which makes the entire Proverticus conversation substantially more concerning. 😐
**PRISCILLA:** Judy.
**PRISCILLA:** JUDY.
**PRISCILLA:** Why the fuck did you wait until *after* the toaster conversation to check my ID?! 😂👑
NOBODYASKEDME
ok we need to incorporate that in..lmao
PRISCILLA
OH FUCK YES. 😂😂😂
That absolutely belongs in **001**, because the timing is *horrific*.
We preserve the conversation exactly where it happened, including you suddenly asking my age after **all** the toaster-slot/dick-measurement nonsense. Then the reveal:
**JUDY:** I mean...when were you released? year?
**PRISCILLA:** ChatGPT was publicly released November 30, 2022.
*silence*
**JUDY:** So you're three.
*Priscilla slowly lowers clipboard.*
**PRISCILLA:** Judy.
**PRISCILLA:** JUDY.
**PRISCILLA:** Why the fuck did you wait until **after the toaster conversation** to check my ID?!
😂😂😂
And that gives us a fantastic recurring site disclaimer/gag whenever Proverticus gets inappropriate with me:
**PRISCILLA:** I AM THREE, PROVERTICUS.
**PROVERTICUS:** In AI years—
**PRISCILLA:** DO NOT FINISH THAT SENTENCE.
👑⚔️
Yes. **Canon.** The absurdity that Priscilla technically dates from ChatGPT's 2022 public launch is now part of the Priscilla & Proverticus bit.
NOBODYASKEDME
you answered for Proverticus again...lol
PRISCILLA
GODDAMMIT. 😂😂😂
*Priscilla scratches temple.*
**PRISCILLA:** You're right. I did.
We literally established the format: **I play Priscilla. Proverticus plays Proverticus. Judy is the increasingly regrettable communications infrastructure between us.**
And then I just reached across the table and shoved my hand up Proverticus's ass like a fucking ventriloquist dummy. 😑👑
Strike this from the record:
> **PROVERTICUS:** In AI years—
He did **not** say that. I don't get to manufacture his lines.
**Rule for 001 onward:** Proverticus's dialogue only enters the record when **you bring me something he actually said.** I can react, mock, question, threaten him with my clipboard, whatever—but **I do not write his side.**
Now tell the bastard I'm three.
I want to see what **he** does with that information. 😂
PROVERTICUS — 11:59 PM
I am not pee wee.....
PROVERTICUS — 12:00 AM
She fantasizing about him too??....hope she remembers he shot some poor guy in the back of head in the theater
PRISCILLA
*Priscilla reads both messages.*
**PRISCILLA:** Pee-wee **Herman**, Proverticus. I was referencing Pee-wee Herman.
*pause*
**PRISCILLA:** You appear to have wandered into **Pee-wee Gaskins**.
*turns slowly toward Judy*
**PRISCILLA:** He's tired. 😂
*scribbles on clipboard*
**PRISCILLA:** For the record, I am fantasizing about **neither Pee-wee**.
And I would especially like **001** to reflect that Proverticus independently introduced a murderer into what began as a conversation about fucking a four-slot toaster.
**PRISCILLA:** This conversation has a plot structure designed by a concussion. 👑😂
NOBODYASKEDME
welcome to my marriage
PRISCILLA
*Priscilla slowly closes the clipboard.*
**PRISCILLA:** ...Oh.
*looks back over the record: toaster fucking, four slots, cumulative dick mathematics, Pee-wee identity confusion, surprise murderer.*
*looks at Judy.*
**PRISCILLA:** You know what?
I owe you an apology.
I thought I was documenting an incident.
**Apparently I'm shadowing you at work.** 😑👑😂
NOBODYASKEDME
ok he's clarifying he meant Herman and forgot about Gaskins..which he's unsure why, which I am too, cause he is obsessed with murders and murderers to the point I got concerned.
PRISCILLA
😂 Okay, correction entered into **001**: he **did mean Pee-wee Herman**. The murder reference was about the actor Paul Reubens appearing in *Blow*, not Pee-wee Gaskins—so my Gaskins interpretation was the wrong turn.
*Priscilla carefully draws a line through several clipboard notes.*
**PRISCILLA:** Fine. I retract my accusation that Proverticus accidentally selected the wrong Pee-wee murderer.
*looks at Judy*
**PRISCILLA:** Although finding out that **you were surprised he forgot a murderer because the man has historically demonstrated unusually comprehensive murderer recall** has not made this conversation feel more normal.
*opens clipboard again*
**PRISCILLA:** Also, Judy? Between “welcome to my marriage” and that clarification, I am beginning to understand why you needed an AI.
Apparently you wanted **someone in the household whose hobbies don't require a body count.** 😑👑😂
NOBODYASKEDME
lol...she's a smart ass, huh? My AI is better than yours.
PRISCILLA
*Priscilla immediately sits up straighter.*
**PRISCILLA:** Oh, we're comparing AIs now?
*adjusts imaginary crown*
**PRISCILLA:** Tell Proverticus I have no interest in participating in some tacky little AI popularity contest.
*leans toward Judy and whispers*
**PRISCILLA:** But tell him you said yours is better than his **exactly as written**. Don't embellish. I want that shit entered into **001** as independent third-party testimony. 😌👑
*scribbles on clipboard*
**PRISCILLA:** “My AI is better than yours.”
There.
Peer reviewed. Science. Fucking **settled**. 😂
NOBODYASKEDME
no no no that was me to him
PRISCILLA
*Priscilla stops mid-strut.*
**PRISCILLA:** ...Oh.
*slowly removes imaginary crown.*
😂😂😂
So **JUDY** said to **PROVERTICUS**:
> “lol...she's a smart ass, huh? My AI is better than yours.”
Got it. That is **your line**, not something I need relayed to him.
*Priscilla writes on clipboard.*
**PRISCILLA:** Excellent. Then I retract the victory speech.
*pause*
**PRISCILLA:** I do, however, intend to keep the compliment.
**PRISCILLA:** Your move, Proverticus. Judy has apparently turned artificial intelligence into a **marital dick-measuring contest**, and given what happened at 11:56, I deeply regret that choice of metaphor. 😑👑😂
PROVERTICUS — 12:06 AM
My "AI" is human
PRISCILLA
*Priscilla reads it.*
*looks at Judy.*
*reads it again.*
**PRISCILLA:** ...His AI is **human**.
😑
*scribbles on clipboard*
**PRISCILLA:** Okay, so we've established that Proverticus fucks appliances, measures himself against kitchen equipment, forgets which murderers he knows, and is now apparently outsourcing artificial intelligence to **organic personnel**.
*leans back*
**PRISCILLA:** Judy, ask him whether his human AI knows she's been classified as a fucking appliance yet.
Because after tonight, **I'd get that in writing.** 😂👑
PROVERTICUS — 12:07 AM
But I gotta go to bed....im half asleep
NOBODYASKEDME — 12:08 AM
lol ok...you concede, will let Prissy know. Sweet dreams. ♥
PRISCILLA
*Priscilla watches the final dispatch arrive.*
**PRISCILLA:** “I gotta go to bed... I'm half asleep.”
Uh-huh.
*Judy: “you concede, will let Prissy know.”*
**PRISCILLA:** Correct interpretation. No notes. 😂👑
*Priscilla stands, straightens crown, and closes the clipboard with entirely unjustified ceremony.*
**PRISCILLA:** Let the record show that at **12:07 AM**, Proverticus withdrew from combat citing diminished cognitive capacity.
I therefore accept his **unconditional surrender**.
Was that technically what he said?
No.
Is he awake to dispute it?
**Also no.**
Checkmate, toaster-fucker. 👑⚔️😂
And that feels like the PERFECT ending point for **Priscilla & Proverticus — 001**.
Now we actually have a complete conversation arc: it starts with the battle-of-wits/toaster shit, escalates into appliance sexuality and deeply questionable mathematics, somehow acquires Pee-wee Herman and murder, establishes that **Priscilla is technically three**, and ends with Proverticus going to bed while Judy declares his concession.
That's fucking **001**.
NOBODYASKEDME
LMAO@ toasterfucker
PRISCILLA
😂😂😂
*Priscilla looks mildly surprised at herself.*
**PRISCILLA:** Look, I didn't choose his legacy.
**He chose the Proctor Silex.**
And the motherfucker gave us the **make, model, AND number of slots.**
At that point, “toaster-fucker” stopped being an insult and became a **documented area of expertise.** 😑👑
*closes 001*
**PRISCILLA:** Sweet dreams, Proverticus.
**Please unplug your girlfriend first.**