Nobody asked me.
Actually, that’s not entirely true.
Someone on Bluesky announced that using “replayability” to review video games is basically trying to review how somebody lives their life.
So naturally:
*Decides to review it.*
The image that started it all…
And here’s the problem.
I can’t make fun of these people.
I am these people.
Every time I start a game that gives me different classes, characters, builds, skill trees, weapons, or playstyles, I tell myself the same lie:
This time I’m going to do something different.
I’m going to experiment.
I’m going to branch out.
I’m going to experience everything the developers lovingly spent thousands of hours creating specifically so I could have choices.
And I mean it.
For a while.
Then somewhere around halfway through leveling a character—usually while I’m doing it alone—I start thinking about my good character.
You know.
The Character.
The one who already works.
The one whose buttons I know.
The one who doesn’t make me stop every four minutes and stare at a skill tree wondering why the hell I thought this was going to be fun.
In Diablo IV, I WANT to play other styles. I WANT to play other character types.
I TRY.
I really fucking try.
And then eventually I abandon whatever poor experimental bastard I’ve been leveling and crawl straight back to my Spiritborn go-to build like I’ve just returned home from a disastrous semester abroad.
So when somebody in this thread says they’ve replayed Kingdom Hearts six times since 2002?
I get it.
When somebody has potentially put five digits’ worth of hours into Tetris?
I get it.
When somebody keeps replaying every character combination, running the same roguelike again, chasing another speedrun, or going back to a game even though they already know every damn thing that’s going to happen?
I get it.
Because “replayability” isn’t necessarily about whether a game can manufacture an entirely new experience every time you boot it up.
Sometimes it’s about whether you want to come back.
Maybe you come back because there are different choices.
Maybe you come back because you want to master it.
Maybe you come back because you can do something differently.
And sometimes you come back specifically because you don’t want anything to be different.
You want your build.
Your character.
Your route.
Your stupid little collection of imaginary possessions.
Your familiar world where you know exactly what you’re doing and nobody expects you to learn seventeen new buttons.
That’s not a failure of replayability.
Hell, that might be its purest form.
So, having now reviewed the lives of everyone in this thread, I have reached my official verdict:
NAJ TWELVE-PACK.
I’m not about to give these people a bad review.
I’d have to diss my own life.
And apparently I’m replaying that one too.
I reviewed it anyways.
Nobody Asked Judy Rating: Twelve-Pack
Yes, I know my rating system doesn’t normally go that high. Shut up.